Growing up, it was definitely a lot to handle. I was sensitive to the other side—I could actually see, feel, and hear spirits around me. When you're young and don't have a structured vocabulary or protections to deal with that kind of stuff, it can get pretty intense and overwhelming.

Alongside that, I've always had this strange, unexplainable knack for being incredibly "lucky" right when it matters most. Whenever I was in a tight spot and needed help, it was like help would just magically manifest and show up out of nowhere. It kinda felt like I had someone or something watching over me when things got tough.

Funny how it sneaks up on you, eh? 

Exactly. It’s like the universe knew just what kind of bait to use to get me to notice. If someone had just sat me down and handed me a heavy textbook on esotericism or occultism back then, I probably would have been totally overwhelmed. But wrapping it all in lore, world-building, and such? Hook, line, and sinker!

I highly doubt that's possible. Feel free to share as much as you like. 

The truth is, my journey back to my ancestors' roots was actually a very long and winding detour. Because I grew up sensing spirits—seeing and hearing them—and had no guide to help me, I kept searching everywhere for a way to make sense of it all.

Long before I ever connected with my own heritage, I threw myself into studying and exploring an incredibly wide variety of paths. I started looking into Wicca, then dived into Judaism, Kabbalah, Demonolatry, and Ceremonial Magic. I also spent a lot of time exploring Hoodoo and Isese. Being a researcher at heart (again, I totally blame the RPG world-building days!), I was meticulously picking through these different currents, looking for the mechanics of how the unseen world operated and how to protect my own energy.

It was only after exploring all these different paths that I finally really connected with my Filipino roots—Anitism and Ancestral Veneration. Working with everyday sacred items and customs from my heritage gave me the solid, physical connection I’d been looking for everywhere else.

Here's the wildest part about that family connection: in December 2023, I finally met my biological family on my father's side. While I was there, we talked about my biological mom’s "witchy roots," and they actually warned me about it, making it pretty clear they wanted nothing to do with witchcraft. Because of their reaction, I kept my own practice totally under wraps from them until the very last night of my visit! When I finally told them, they were totally shocked. It was such a surreal moment for all of us—it hit me that even though I wasn't raised there, that blood and those tendencies are just a part of me.

So, going exactly back to your "rivers leading to the same ocean" analogy, it is incredibly accurate for me. I had to swim through a lot of different rivers to finally find the one that brought me home, only to realize the magic was in my blood the entire time. 

I'm developing two universal systems (the mechanics part). One is a 2d6 only system. The other is a d20 system (but uses all the dice). They both have some overlap as they're being developed at the same time. 

Because the systems are universal, there is no tied setting to the rules themselves. But, I am developing a setting separately. That way the setting is free to be the setting, while the rules are free to be the rules. I'm not a fan of systems and settings being intrinsically tied to one another. 

I have to confess, since my background is entirely in text-based forum roleplay without any dice rolling, I’m actually not familiar with TTRPG systems or the specific mechanics of 2d6 and d20!

However, I totally get the idea behind how you're building this. Keeping the mechanics and the setting separate enough so they can grow and change on their own without forcing one to sacrifice the other is such a clever move.

Even though the specific dice mechanics go a bit over my head, it sounds like a massive and incredibly rewarding project to pour your energy into!

Sorry for the lengthy post; well, don't say I didn't warn you! 😂

Absolutely!

I have spiritual abilities that showed up early on, but I didn't really have the words or framework to understand them back then.

Well now I'm really curious. lol. 

Before I knew it, my research totally took over the fiction. I realized that while I was trying to create a convincing magical system for a roleplay forum, I was actually building a real spiritual and protective framework for myself—something that helped me better understand and connect with the abilities I’d had since I was a kid.

Funny how it sneaks up on you, eh? 

Honestly, my spiritual and magical journey is more complex and longer than just my RPG start, since I also have ancestral roots, but I don't want to bore you with a whole novel!

I highly doubt that's possible. Feel free to share as much as you like. 

It's really exciting that you're creating your own tabletop game. Developing the mechanics and lore from scratch requires a lot of vision, and I bet your strong mystical background will add a fantastic layer of depth! What kind of setting or system are you planning to use?

I'm developing two universal systems (the mechanics part). One is a 2d6 only system. The other is a d20 system (but uses all the dice). They both have some overlap as they're being developed at the same time. 

Because the systems are universal, there is no tied setting to the rules themselves. But, I am developing a setting separately. That way the setting is free to be the setting, while the rules are free to be the rules. I'm not a fan of systems and settings being intrinsically tied to one another. 

To give you the full picture, while the structural part of my practice really came together through roleplaying, the spiritual spark has been with me since I was a kid. I have spiritual abilities that showed up early on, but I didn't really have the words or framework to understand them back then.

That whole thing basically came about through storytelling. My roots are actually spread across different Harry Potter-themed RPG forums—though sadly, most of them are dead now! I've always been more into that kind of text-based, collaborative storytelling rather than regular tabletop games.

The transition into the occult happened pretty naturally because of how detailed those worlds needed to be. I was spending a lot of time collecting rare magical artifacts and working with others to put together multi-year lesson plans and modules focused on defensive magic and spell crafting and such.

To make those fictional protocols feel more real and believable, I started digging into real-world esoteric stuff, history, traditional herbal medicine and such. Before I knew it, my research totally took over the fiction. I realized that while I was trying to create a convincing magical system for a roleplay forum, I was actually building a real spiritual and protective framework for myself—something that helped me better understand and connect with the abilities I’d had since I was a kid.

Honestly, my spiritual and magical journey is more complex and longer than just my RPG start, since I also have ancestral roots, but I don't want to bore you with a whole novel!

It's really exciting that you're creating your own tabletop game. Developing the mechanics and lore from scratch requires a lot of vision, and I bet your strong mystical background will add a fantastic layer of depth! What kind of setting or system are you planning to use?

I'd like to hear more about your roleplaying experiences (which systems, etc.) and how that segued into the occult. We may be on the same rpg forums as well. I'm really into tabletop rpgs. I'm even designing my own system. 

In my own practice, weaving Folk Judeo-Christianity with Filipino Anitism and my other ancestral traditions has been a constant lesson in exactly what you described: realizing they are all just different rivers merging into the same deep waters.

I completely resonate with your deep appreciation for Hermetic Qabalah, too. I spend a lot of my own time studying Hermeticism, Kabbalah, and Rosicrucianism, and I totally agree. Having that kind of framework is awesome for unlocking the deeper, often hidden, mysteries of the texts and giving you a map for the mysticism. It really is essential.

Your insight about the limits of a formal Order is really smart too. Structure and lodge work are phenomenal teachers, but true energy or magic or spiritual independence often means knowing when to step back. It's so easy to get caught up in the trappings, and recognizing when an environment has done its job is a huge step in personal mastery.

Eventually, become your higher self. That's such a beautiful and powerful way to end. Thanks a lot for sharing the depth of your rivers with us!

That is a very well formed question. In order to answer it, I need to first provide some insight to what I was born into. My mother's family is Irish and still very connected to our Celtic pagan roots. So I grew up learning about those "old ways": traditions, festivals, witchcraft/magic, etc. 

My father's family is Dutch/English and heavily involved in a Christian mysticism current (not standard Christianity). Through this side, I grew up learning what "knowing Christ" really means, and how to understand the Bible for the Key that it truly is. Hint: there is so much that the "church" keeps from people, it's criminal. But at the same time, everything you actually need, really is right there in that book. $5.49 on Amazon. 

There's a little bit of gnosticism and Native American practices thrown in (mostly Choctaw) from different family influences. 

Both sides are very mystical and very free-form. On the surface, you might think there would be a conflict between my mother's side and father's side, but you'd be surprised how often they actually validate each other (remember: same ocean).

How did my practice change?

Well, I wanted to get more formal and expand my esoteric network. So, surprise surprise, an Order magically made itself known to me (see what I did there?). After careful consideration, I decided to join. I learned a lot about group ritual (lodge work), degrees/grades, ceremonial practices similar to the Golden Dawn system of magic, etc. The thing I'm probably most grateful for is being introduced to the Hermetic Qabalah system. I absolutely love it. It provides a framework that is incredibly complimentary to Christian mysticism. In fact, I'd argue that it is fundamental. I highly recommend working with it. 

However, with all the benefits that an official structured Order can provide... it is also extremely limiting. And can actually become a hindrance to your spiritual growth if you let it. There are a lot of trappings to be found in an Order. Be wary. I am still technically a member, but have been inactive for a few years now. Please don't confuse these statements with disparagement, I would still highly recommend the Order that I joined. But, I feel it has served its purpose for me, and I, it.

What am I drawn to lately?

Kind of full circle, but I do a lot more ceremonial and ritual work because I enjoy it.

Above all:

1. Connect with your higher self.
2. Listen to your higher self.
3. Let your higher self guide you.
4. Eventually, become your higher self. 

Everything else is just another river. 

My true passion truly lies in the historical and structural aspects of these mysteries. I absolutely enjoy studying the architecture behind systems like Hermeticism, Neoplatonism, and Kabbalah. I like researching how these ancient traditions used symbols as deep, complex maps of the cosmos and human consciousness.

There is so much rich history in how those specific teachings visually depicted higher realms and energetic structures. It’s an incredible rabbit hole to explore, and I completely agree with you that there’s still so much of that ancient knowledge waiting to be uncovered today! 

I absolutely love that analogy of different rivers leading to the same ocean! Being a lifelong seeker is such a beautiful and open way to approach the world. Since you were born into it, I’m really curious—how has your practice changed from what you were originally taught to what you identify with now? Is there a particular "river" or practice you're feeling most drawn to lately?

Me mine started out as curious questions that later turned into serious research. I have enjoyed my journey to this point. 

I totally relate to that! There's nothing quite like that powerful shift from simple curiosity to diving right into serious research. It happened to me all the time. It’s so rewarding when history and knowledge finally start making sense. If you don't mind sharing, what specific topic or urgent question sparked that first deep dive for you?